Sunday, February 27, 2011
Spring needs to hurry up
So freaking COLD!!!!! I wish spring would get here! We have still about a foot of snow. A few weeks ago, we had the sixth snow day in the district in twenty years. Good grief!!! Teachers are reveling in the opportunity to assign more homework than anyone in their right mind can keep on top of, and it looks like the slew of papers isn't slowing down any time soon. After spring break it's the home stretch, no more three day weekends or anything until summer. Maybe a few more... I think... haven't checked on the calendar though so I don't know for sure. So exhausted from school. Hardly any time for friends, which sucks, because it means that I can't be there when they fight and need to vent on an unbiased party or when they just need to talk. Wish I was three, and didn't have all this crap to deal with.
People
Sometimes, I wonder what would happen if I said everything I thought, felt, wanted or didn't want. What would people do? How would they react to seeing someone lay their soul out to the world for picking over? I imagine it would make people very uncomfortable. Which is sad.
People suffer. That is fact. Not all people suffer equally, or of the same things, but all people suffer. Someone who might be the happiest person on earth could go home and slice their ankles to bits with a knife at night. Someone with all the money in the world, who has every material object anyone could ever hope for, might only be so well off because their parents died and left them orphaned and alone. You can never tell just by looking at a person, what kind of life they have. Which is unfortunate. Because all people share pain.
I had a startling realization. The worst thing anyone can do to anyone else is pity them. Although that is seemingly the only thing a person CAN do. But the thing is, pity forces the pitied to resent themselves. And to resent yourself for something that isn't your fault is like a star resenting itself for shining.
I really dislike the phrase "don't judge." People don't know what that means, because without judgement, people wouldn't have conscience. Good grief! How ignorant the world can be some times. The key element that defines judgment is that there are two kinds: biased judgement, and unbiased judgment. Pretty straightforward. Biased judgment comes from deep within us, some ingrained mental trigger that we don't know we have until something we see or hear pulls it, and we are revolted or magnetized to whatever we judge. Unbiased judgement is pure, simple acceptance of truth. This is the hardest for humans, because humans have free will. Which enables them to form opinions about "right" and "wrong". Truth says, there is no right or wrong. Only truth.
People suffer. That is fact. Not all people suffer equally, or of the same things, but all people suffer. Someone who might be the happiest person on earth could go home and slice their ankles to bits with a knife at night. Someone with all the money in the world, who has every material object anyone could ever hope for, might only be so well off because their parents died and left them orphaned and alone. You can never tell just by looking at a person, what kind of life they have. Which is unfortunate. Because all people share pain.
I had a startling realization. The worst thing anyone can do to anyone else is pity them. Although that is seemingly the only thing a person CAN do. But the thing is, pity forces the pitied to resent themselves. And to resent yourself for something that isn't your fault is like a star resenting itself for shining.
I really dislike the phrase "don't judge." People don't know what that means, because without judgement, people wouldn't have conscience. Good grief! How ignorant the world can be some times. The key element that defines judgment is that there are two kinds: biased judgement, and unbiased judgment. Pretty straightforward. Biased judgment comes from deep within us, some ingrained mental trigger that we don't know we have until something we see or hear pulls it, and we are revolted or magnetized to whatever we judge. Unbiased judgement is pure, simple acceptance of truth. This is the hardest for humans, because humans have free will. Which enables them to form opinions about "right" and "wrong". Truth says, there is no right or wrong. Only truth.
Friday, February 25, 2011
Blender Brain
Courtesy of AP Euro, my brain has been pulverized in the blender of "textbook" on the highest setting possible. Courtesy of friends, stress level is now jacked through the roof. Courtesy of human beings, level of irritation is off the scale. And courtesy of homework from various other classes, life is really rather suckish at the moment.
Not to mention the fact that we have more snow than anyone knows what to do with. (Except the people who actually LIKE snow.) Personally, I feel that February is WAY too late in the year to be getting two feet of snow in one night.
So dog tired. Haven't slept a good eight hour night in ages.
I feel old. Like I've seen way, way too much of the world. But at the same time, I also feel relatively naive, as though I try to over-simplify everything. But really people make life way too complicated. Some days, I wish I could go back to just being a logical brain-iack with no social skills. I wouldn't have to worry about whose feelings I hurt, and I wouldn't have to worry about emotions complicating my life.
Growing up is SUCH a rip off.
Not to mention the fact that we have more snow than anyone knows what to do with. (Except the people who actually LIKE snow.) Personally, I feel that February is WAY too late in the year to be getting two feet of snow in one night.
So dog tired. Haven't slept a good eight hour night in ages.
I feel old. Like I've seen way, way too much of the world. But at the same time, I also feel relatively naive, as though I try to over-simplify everything. But really people make life way too complicated. Some days, I wish I could go back to just being a logical brain-iack with no social skills. I wouldn't have to worry about whose feelings I hurt, and I wouldn't have to worry about emotions complicating my life.
Growing up is SUCH a rip off.
Tuesday, February 8, 2011
Mirrors
I used to hate mirrors. But then I figured out that what a person sees in a mirror is only a perception of a reflection, not the reflection itself. In a mirror, we see ourselves physically. But we actually only see what we allow ourselves to see. Imagine having to see yourself as the rest of the world sees you. Seeing yourself through someone else's eyes. It's a cruel thing. Perhaps that is because there is a certain amount of comfort in the illusions we paint for ourselves. Illusions that would be crushed were we ever forced to know how everybody else sees us.
A friend is that way. A true friend. A best friend, perhaps. They show you who you are. The darker, nastier side of you which, when looking into a mirror, you can choose not to acknowledge. A best friend hands this to you with no qualms about it, and is still willing to be your friend anyways.
But for some people, I would imagine this can be quite frightening. I would imagine that when a friend knows you that well, they know you too well. And then, you're in dire straights to "un-know" them and distance yourself from them as much as posible. But by that time, it's too late. A friend, moreover and especially a best friend, will always show you who you are without fear. Because a best friend is honor-bound by some unspoken code of best-friend-ness to do so. Best friends work for the betterment of each other. And in doing so, they show each other themselves, and the part they would each rather not see.
A friend is that way. A true friend. A best friend, perhaps. They show you who you are. The darker, nastier side of you which, when looking into a mirror, you can choose not to acknowledge. A best friend hands this to you with no qualms about it, and is still willing to be your friend anyways.
But for some people, I would imagine this can be quite frightening. I would imagine that when a friend knows you that well, they know you too well. And then, you're in dire straights to "un-know" them and distance yourself from them as much as posible. But by that time, it's too late. A friend, moreover and especially a best friend, will always show you who you are without fear. Because a best friend is honor-bound by some unspoken code of best-friend-ness to do so. Best friends work for the betterment of each other. And in doing so, they show each other themselves, and the part they would each rather not see.
Friday, February 4, 2011
New Semester
2nd semester. Yay. Hopefully this one will be a little better than the last. I'm switching science classes, which I'm happy about, but it means I won't be in the same class as my best friend. This has advantages and disadvantages. But I won't elaborate, because I feel it would be rather embarrassing to both parties concerned in the matter. I'm also spanish classes because the one I'm in now is an absolute insane asylum. It's really difficult for me to learn anything, so I'm changing my schedule. Which is nice.
I have guitar this semester, but it seems to me to be rather rudimentary. I'm hoping I'll get something out of it, but if nothing else, it's 90 minutes every other day to practice. That's a bonus. And there's a song writing portion, which will be exciting.
Speaking of guitar, the band I was going to have disbanded before ever forming, because no one got along very well. And in hindsight to be quite honest (and this is probably rude, but it's true), the whole band thing would have held me back anyways. I'm not patient, and for people who want instant results without working their tail ends off to get there, I have absolutely no tolerance. People have different levels of commitment, and I respect that. I just haven't managed to find someone who's commitment is as vehement as mine. Or if I have, they haven't spoken up... or I didn't like them very much.
I have guitar this semester, but it seems to me to be rather rudimentary. I'm hoping I'll get something out of it, but if nothing else, it's 90 minutes every other day to practice. That's a bonus. And there's a song writing portion, which will be exciting.
Speaking of guitar, the band I was going to have disbanded before ever forming, because no one got along very well. And in hindsight to be quite honest (and this is probably rude, but it's true), the whole band thing would have held me back anyways. I'm not patient, and for people who want instant results without working their tail ends off to get there, I have absolutely no tolerance. People have different levels of commitment, and I respect that. I just haven't managed to find someone who's commitment is as vehement as mine. Or if I have, they haven't spoken up... or I didn't like them very much.
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