Christmas 2010!!

Woot! Christmas was amazing! But, my dog was sick, so that was kinda a downer. On the flip side, I got a new guitar, a really nice one too. I'm really excited to have my friends over so we can all rock out. Other than that, I got a Rubik's Cube, (I broke the last one on accident), a nice pair of earrings, and socks, as well as a 25 dollar gift card to Barnes And Noble.
Today we went shopping, and I got a coat. YAY!!!!
I have homework over break, (thank you AP Euro for ruining my life!), so I should probably be doing that at the moment instead of writing this, but I just can't seem to find the energy to get started. In other words, I really don't want to do homework on the vacation. What's the point of taking a holiday if you can't take a holiday?

Christmas is HERE!!!!

Just a few more days until Christmas! I just got back from visiting my grandmother in Portland, to find that it had snowed almost ten inches here in Bend! I haven't really thought that much about the difference between the weather in Portland and the weather in Bend, not further than the obvious differences in any case. But really, in Portland, one would expect that it wouldn't be as cold as it is in Bend. And maybe temperature-wise, it's not, but it feels so much colder. I suppose because it's dry in Bend and so the cold isn't always hanging in the air, but while I was in Portland, it was always so gray and there was this constant chill that seeped into the bones. NO FUN AT ALL!!!

Anyways, Christmas is nearly here, and all over Bend there are decorations. It's not to be a downer or anything like that, but Christmas carols get really old after about the fifty-billionth time of hearing them. But I don't mind, because they make people happy, and it's nice I suppose to be able to feed off of other people's joy. (Wow, sorry, that seems really creepy.) What I mean is that happiness is sort of contagious, and when everyone around me is happy, it makes me happy too.

Friday... Come faster please...

Thursday night. O, woe is me!!! (Yes, I know nobody with any sort of social awareness says something like "O, Woe is me!!!, but I believe I have already established the fact that I have very few social skills to speak of.) I wish Friday would come faster. Then, I would be comforted knowing that it would be the last day of school before a two week long vacation!!

I'm going to Portland and will be there until Wednesday. Then, I will be back in bend for Christmas, and then, back in Portland for New Years!!! EEEKKK!!!

Had an interesting discussion about the end of the world today during lunch. Devised several new (and mostly ridiculous) theories of how the world might end, none of which are very likely to occur EVER. Anyhow, they were still fun to talk about.
I find that I am beginning to enjoy sociable and frivolous conversation. The sort of fluff that is all joking and laughing and no one's really very serious about what they say. Can't say whether this is a step forward or backward in the development of mature social skills, but I suppose there's a time for maturity, and a time to be a sophomore in high school. If I've learned nothing else from talking about the end of the world, I've at least learned that much.

Almost Christmas YAY!!!

Christmas break is almost here! I have never been more ready. It seems like I haven't had time for anything other than schoolwork recently. It really doesn't help that some of my classes are rather pointless because I'm not learning anything in them. It really bothers me when I don't learn anything in school, because it defeats the whole purpose of even going to class. There's loads of ways I would rather be spending my time --- never mind. I lied. No, there aren't that many other ways I would rather be spending my time than in school. I have no life.

Anyways, I haven't updated in forever, so I'm going to try and do a bit more of this. Sorry if you've been checking in and I've been disappointing you.

JAM SESH!!!!

Got together with Kate Kennedy today after school and we totally rocked out. We were sorry that Kaitlin Daley couldn't join us, however she neglected to do her chores and is therefore grounded until further notice. But that was okay... two out of three is still a failing grade, but it's better than just one.

We had loads of fun and worked out some new songs to start doing as a band. I'm really excited for when we can actually start performing, and for when we get together on a more regular basis to practice. This is like, all of my dreams since forever come true.

Mysterious Person in my English Class...

Dear mystery person in my English class...

Why do I feel like this about you? Must you be so vexingly annoying in a positively horrendously wonderful way? Please spare me this utterly beautiful state of mental mush in which I find myself when I am around you by GOING AWAY!!!

I love you.

~ Rae

Braindead

UGH!!!!! My most sincere apologies for not writing recently. There hasn't been much going on. Except homework. Mountainous piles of homework the likes of which is probably very unhealthy and if it keeps going at this rate they're going to have to send me away to some remote location to maintain the vestiges of my sanity. GRRRR!!!!!! Besides that, there really hasn't been anything for me to say. Sorry, guys. But I'll start writing more often I think. Just to keep things going... ya know?

Grrrr....

Sometimes, it really annoys me that people are nice. When people are nice, it means that they have the capability to be cruel also. The nicer they are, the crueler they can be. I wish people were just indifferent.

Football season... maybe...?

Football game on Summit turf against Mountain View. It's depressing that people who have never even gone to a game before can walk through the gates blathering on about how "Summit's football team sucks!" Every time I hear this, it makes me want to hit that person as hard as I can and say to them : "If you think you could do a better job, why didn't you join the team?"
Think about it... unless a person has something intelligent or useful or kind or clever to say, they shouldn't be saying anything that disses on their own school's team.

Don't worry football players, even if no one else believes in you, I'm still on your side!! :)

Homecoming game

 Yes, we lost. Oh WELL. Get over it, it's just a game! Gads, the poor football players have no encouragement whatsoever. Even from their own school! I've caught myself harping about them multiple times, and each time, I end up with a sever sto friggin mach ache afterward. Namely for the sole reason that harping on others when they don't measure up to "standards" is not for me.
I want it to be known: I am not, never have been and never will be a football player at Summit High School or anywhere else. However, I like to think in all honesty that our football players on both teams are trying their hardest and doing the best they can with what they've got. I don't know crap about football, or about what goes through the players' minds in the form of thoughts when they're in the middle of a game, but knowing that an entire school is hoping you'll loose, and that your own school couldn't care less if you did, is a lot of pressure.


A team of any sort is built on a number of things.
        The first is camaraderie. If the team members aren't brothers or sisters in arms, working together, the team is not and cannot be successful.
        The second thing that makes a team is communication. If the whole team is listened to, taken into account, considered for the independent brain that they may (or may not) have, then the team has a shot. If not... well...
        A third aspect essential in a team is drive. Motivation. The heart of all desires and goals and aspirations. What the team wants can be a combination of separate goals, or simply the same goal, but the product has to be a strong, common passion that incinerates everyone on the team.
        The fourth element of a team is inside confidence and support. A general overall belief from themselves, in themselves. They have to truly believe without a hint of doubt, beyond the reaches of the corruption of second guessing, that they will be successful in their endeavors.
        The fifth thing all teams need is the ability to humbly admit defeat, then to hold council and revise their plan. To run through every footstep, every breath, every agonizing millisecond of waiting as the ball flies through the air, every mathematical logarithm that might be used to perfect the arc of its course... All of it needs to be examined with a fine-toothed comb. And then, they need to be flexible enough to change tactics.

        Most importantly, something else that all teams, whether political, religious, just for fun, to support a cause, or to represent a school, absolutely must have is people on the outside who believe in them. The people they represent especially.
        No team can last very long without the support of others. If a school loses faith in its team, its team loses faith in itself. Therefore, it loses the motivation to win, the belief that it will win, the goal of winning... and therefore it loses the need to revise its tactics because really, if you're not going to win, why bother wasting time revising your tactics? and it loses the game, therefore enforcing the the school's lack of faith in them and beginning the vicious cycle all over again.




        My point here is not to make anyone feel bad, or adversely to offend anyone and make them get defensive, or to insult the members of the team if this is in fact all wrong and I'm a stupid idiot. I just want to get people to think about it. Don't put yourself in their shoes, because that never works and it's a stupid analogy used by first grade teachers. It's pointless to try and preach, so I won't bother. I don't want to anyways. I just hope that if your still wasting time reading this instead of doing your homework, that you think about what you've read. Don't overdo it. Don't make hate groups of fan clubs. Just THINK about it...

Homecoming again.

Homecoming of Sophomore year. Is there something extra-ordinarily special about the way that silence falls on a persons ears when they're alone, and they know that all their friends are throwing parties and having fun and going to football games. Whether the team wins or looses isn't the point. The point of going to the game is to support the team that MIGHT win, and to be with one's friends. The point of going to any school event is the same, to spent time with the people you want to spend time with.
Homecoming is typically (in the two years I've been in high school) the worst week. Followed by any other week there's a formal dance, followed by any week there's an informal dance. Reason: DRAMA. People over amp about the whole "who are you going with" deal, and spend loads of money on looking nice and dressing nice and flowers... and all the guys get wound up over how to ask a girl to homecoming or whatever. But really, why bother?
Yeah, sure, roll your eyes and sigh at my naivety. But when you strip all the glitter and the make up and the shiny fabric and the carbonated drinks, when you strip it all off and look at the very heart of the matter... It's not that big of a deal. It shouldn't be at least.
It sickens me that we have to blow everything out of proportion (yes, this does come across as hypocritical, but hear me out). Why bother to go out to dinner, when you're already spending twenty  and in some cases forty bucks on a ticket/tickets. Why bother with the flowers? Tradition? Screw tradition! Tradition says a girl can't ask a guy out. Again, screw tradition. Why bother with a creative new "never before thought of" way to ask your true love to a dance? It's a friggin' dance for God freaking sake!

Sorry, all you people who do this stuff. I really don't mean to offend anyone, but sometimes being in high school really annoys me.

Good grief

Life is wonderful. (Which should be sarcasm but really isn't.) Oddly enough, I actually do mean that. This past week was quite the adventure believe it or not. I got to hang with my best ever friend whom I haven't had a chance to talk to in ages, and I got to go to a football game. Couldn't stay for the whole thing though, because the Storm (our mascot) actually showed up and drove a lot of us inside.
I must say, for all the crap that Summit Football players get from their fellow students, they try. And imagine how discouraging it must be to never win a game and then have everyone from your own side laugh at you also. I think we should support them and acknowledge their efforts. (It's like bringing home a report card with all A's and an A- and having your parents blow a torch over the A-, instead of congratulating you on all your hard work and success.)
Kate is now sixteen, and we had an amazing birthday party at her place. It was really fun and there were a lot of cool people there. The cake and pizza were really yummy too, and I don't normally like pizza, so it was a good thing that I liked this kind. :^)

Single Celled Organism

I wish I was an amoeba.

Friends

I don't think that anyone really knows how much their friends come to mean to them until they are faced with the truth of a situation. Sometimes, I wonder how much of this time I spend devoting to my friends is time they will ever give back. Like... pouring money into a well... you never see it again. I'm constantly being reminded why my only goal in the world used to be achieving the highest marks in my class. But the world itself always complicates things. Is it really necessary to have friends? I think not. However nice it may be, the truth of it is, all friends will disappoint you in the end.

Extra-confused.

He's in my English this year. Again. God, I sound like some love-sick thirteen year old. I hate this. I hate hearing him talk, I hate hearing him laugh, I hate knowing that I have to see him every other day. I hate that he remembered that I love to collect pens, but at the same time, it made me smile. How can something you hate so much, make you glow on the inside?

I wish I understood more about him. We never speak, except the occasional word if absolutely necessary. I don't really know him at all, only that everything about him makes me shiver in delight. I sat there in English today willing him to shut up, to stop laughing, to stop smiling, to stop being so effing beautiful. As though it does any good to hate someone for being everything you ever dreamed of.

Not that I would know. I've only ever worried about school and music, no time for even my friends before this... but now... I don't know.

Confused.

Why did he do it? How am I supposed to know? But seriously, I don't think I did anything to offend him... Gads. Sometimes I think I might die in this hostile place.
 Once, my English teacher told me that High School is the Cerberus. A best with three heads. One, he said, is viscous and will bite you every time you try and tame it. One is fickle and tricky, and likes to fool you into being it's friend before it rips you to shreds, and one is true and kind. He said that this one is the one that most people always work for, but that is hardly ever found...I didn't understand him then... but now...

Why is it that people stay in our minds? People float in and out, granted, as normal interaction progresses. These people slip so easily from our memory, that we nearly always for get names and faces a day after meeting them. But the people who are something more than a fleeting word or two, the people whom we have loved and have either loved us in return, or... not... these people stay with us forever.
They haunt our thoughts and dreams, turning to misery what would have been happiness of slumber. For one who has no dreams, they haunt our waking moments, our every step, every voice around the unimposing corner... we remember our love for them. We remember the pain that they have caused us. Or the joy, or the sadness... the tears, and the laughter, and the simple moments of a thought shared between two entities of a single heart...
But in whatever way we choose, or don't choose... We still remember them. And sometimes, the memories cause us more pain than a person themselves ever could.

Friday Night (Deep City Lights)

Again, as I have no life, I have designed artwork for another of Kaitlin, Kate and my albums. This one's called Friday Night.

Kate, Kaitlin and Rae's Music Collection

So, here I am, with no life. I came across the fact that the CD's I received for my birthday from Kate and Kaitlin have no names. Nor do they have artwork, which really bugs me for some reason. So I decided to make some. It was quite the endeavor. Took me ages to get it right. But finally, I decided on a title for the first album and I created an artwork for it as well.

PS: Kate, the font is the same as the Harry Potter font. Thought you might like that.

Finally Fourteen!

Woot! Yes, I am now fourteen at LAST!! My birthday, the first of September this year, was spent at school with Kaitlin and Jake Daley. The night before, Kaitlin and Kate and I spent the night hunting dinosaurs, playing guitar, and pigging out at my place.
I finally got to go back to school! I was ecstatic! I got to see my favorite people in the UNIVERSE!!!!! As in Taylor, his friends, and my old English teacher. It was the BEST ever!!!
Yeah, I know... I have to be pretty weird to think spending my birthday at school is the best, but hey! It's me isn't it?

The one thing I didn't like, was having to see him again. Gads, I thought I might go do something stupid like, smack him across the face in front of everyone. It was horrible. I often forget that the mind and the heart are two separate entities, and although one may have moved on, the other still clings like a leaf in an autumn wind to the last vestiges of what could have been; the callous twig of a hopeless dream.

Stupid, to think you're ever really over someone when everything about a place reminds you of them. A place you have to go every day. A place where around every corner you here their voice and see their smile and feel their laughter warming you to your toes. Stupid to think the human heart ever truly forgets it's first love.

It is nice, though, to have someone to talk to about this. Not even someone my age, as odd as that is. But someone I can talk to without even saying a word, that just by being in the same room, he can look at me and console me on all my dramatic teenaged angst. All this, empathy and emotion that I have, but don't have really... This perpetual commotion, a chaos of turmoil from years of thought, but no action to see those thoughts to life.

Love, it begins as a thought. I suppose whether or not love sees its light depends on time, place, and whether or not one or the other of the people involved is a disgusting little freak.

BBQ at Kaitlin's house! Guitar Lessons for Kate!

All in all, I think this may be one of the best summers I've had in a very long time. I've been teaching one of my best friends, Kate Kennedy, how to play the guitar. It's really fun teaching someone to do something, because you get to learn new things about it as you teach them that you may never have thought of on your own. Also, I've hung out with Kaitlin Daley, who got back from her long absence of travelling, and now completes our three musketeers.
I do have to say though, the college course I'm doing is a drag. It's ten weeks, but since the summer courses are usually only half semester long, they pack a ten week course into five weeks. Therefore, double the in-class time, double the homework load, and double the pressure. UGH!
I can't wait to get back to high school and see all my wonderful friends again, although I am sorry to say that some of my very closest friends will be leaving Summit. Unfortunately, this list includes Dave DeWilde and Marlee Norr, who have been with me for a long time and we are very close. I hope we can keep in touch during the coming year.

Summer... still

Summer is a ridiculously boring three months. There really isn't all that much to do, and there really isn't all that much to see. Therefore as nothing interesting is happening, writing about it becomes rather difficult.
However, one thing... I went over to Kate Kennedy's house and we spent the entire afternoon together... We floated the river (my first time) and only got half way through because it was really cold and really windy. So windy that sometimes, we would be floating upstream against the current. While we were on the river, we saw a mother Mallard and her five baby duckies! They were all fluffy and teeny-tiny and still slightly yellow!!!! I think we must have squealed for a whole five minutes! Anyways, after skimping out on the river, we went back to her place and swam in the pool in her neighborhood, and then went back to her house and I spent another forty-five minutes or so teaching her guitar. Which was exciting, and got me a job as her official guitar teacher.

Disgusting little freak... again....!

You'd think that by now, I'd have gotten over it and moved on with my life. But no. Of course not. I have no idea why, but there's always this consistant, pressing need to DO somthing about the fact that the one person I was never able to proove myself to still thinks I'm a disgusting little freak. Really, in all utter honesty, I have gotten over HIM, but this isn't about HIM anymore. It's about the fact that he bested me. And no one ever gets to do that and get away with it. Ever.
       The point of the matter is, I don't freak out. I honestly don't. Well, I suppose that's not true. I do. Quite a bit actually, although less frequently now than I used to. Anyways, when a person gives me enough grief to cause me to have a miniature brain hemerage every time I see them, it's a big deal to me. I don't like it when people have the ability to get me that worked up. At the point in time at which I realizer that this is in fact the case, I usually turn it into a game. They continue, knowingly or otherwise, to wrile me up, and I struggle with myself to wage war through self-control. Cold, logical self-control.
       But apparently, this doesn't work where certain people are involved. Certain people have this relentless pull attached to them, like black wholes attracting billions and billions of stars and gallaxies every minute, these people have such a strong pull on the person I am that I find myself completely absorbed in their existance.
       They become distractions. Which is highly irritating and not very pleasant at all. And the thing I hate absolutely the most about it is this: that once they're a distraction, this distraction doesn't ever go away. Ever. My best friend happens to fall into this category, although I think the two of us have learned to read each other well enough to know when to leave each other allon and when to pester the crap out of one another.
        But this particular distraction was not only never going to get out of my head, but he was never NOT anywhere. He would keep popping up in the most inconvenient places, with the most inconvenient people. And not to mention that said inconvenient people all seem to bear blood fuedal grudges against me. To make matters worse, he knew he was my distraction. And so therfore they did too. And they certainly didn't help me forget about him.
        Oh, and have I yet mentioned that this particular distraction hates me too? Maybe he doesn't hate me, but for whatever reason, I am apparently beneath his stature. Why? No idea whatsoever. And of course, as my distraction, he seems completely oblivious to my existance. And of course of course of COURSE it has to be IMPOSSIBLE for me to say more than fifteen words to him in one sitting. Of COURSE. Just my luck.
      
       Not to change the subject or anything, but when something I do bothers someone, they really should just tell me. I hate hate HATE it when I'm doing something that bothers someone and they just keep on letting me do it, like everything's fine and dandy. Because then they become uninterested, I become a nusance that they can't wait to be rid of, and the world is absolutly splendid. NOT!
       Gads! Sometimes I really do wish I wasn't as crazy or as nerdy or as smart. Or such a good writer, or as weird or as empathetic or as perceptive or as... anything I am!

Come to think of it, maybe I am a disgusting little freak and he was right all along...

Oh NO!!! REALLY? GASP!!!

I've gone my entire thirteen years without passing out. Not once. Not even close. I had no idea what it was like, no idea how terrifically humiliating it is to simply go limp and collapse on yourself in the middle of a public place... no idea whatsoever. Until today, of course.
One would think that of all places to pass out, the library would be one of the nicest. There's the chance that you'd wake up before anyone finds you. But no. Absolutely not. And if I wasn't unconscious as I fell, I was by the time I hit the ground. Take my word for it, the library is not the nicest place to pass out. Not only is it very VERY public, but you never really understand how narrow the rows of books are until you're lying sprawled between two of them, having hit your head on five or six on the way down.
It was ridiculously painful. One would think I of all people would be a little tougher than this. But NO. And that's not the half of it. Apparently, I was out for at least fifteen minutes. I'm not sure. I woke up surrounded by people, lying on a stack of books, with a throbbing pain in my head like someone trying to drill a whole with a jackhammer.  (Might I add that these were the pointy-edged, hard-backed books?)
I don't honestly think I've ever been more humiliated in my entire life. And considering some of the things people have done to me, some of the names I've been called, the jokes that have been made about me... that's saying quite a bit.

And let's not get me started about how I was sick in the bathroom of the library for another half hour before I could even stand up straight and haul myself out the doors without passing out again. And then as luck would have it, I had to ride my bicycle home. Ha-very-ha.
I looked like I had gone swimming in flour. Bleached, pale ghostly white. Actually, make that moldy flour. I'm positive I was slightly greenish too. Good lord, am I embarrassed!

Summer! YEEEESSSS!!!!!!

At last! Summer is here! So is a great deal of house work. Blah! I can't believe that I'm a Sophomore already! The year seemed to go by so quickly. I keep waking up at five in the morning and thinking, hmm, I wonder what crazy adventures we'll have in Spanish today. What with THOSE TWO and all...

In all honesty, there's quite a bit about school that I am going to miss. For one thing, getting to see my friends every day. For another, the motivation to be better, to DO something with myself. Something more than sit around all day and wallow in self pity. (Why in the world would I be doing that? What do I have to pity myself for?) For another, the comfort of knowing that when those things in life come up that I can't go to my parents about, I won't be able to see my friends the next day and rant and complain to them about how utterly dreadful my life is. Because as stupid as it is, that really does make one feel much better.

But I am glad it's Summer. I hope that people will be available to socialize, more so than during the school year. I also hope, that what with the pressure of school and grades lifted and all the miscellaneous falderal that school thrusts upon the developing adolescent gone, I might be able to loosen up and have a bit of fun now and then. But who knows, we'll have to see when the opportunity arrises.

Almost there...

Finally, school is almost over. And Summer cannot come quickly enough. For the first time in my natural life, I can't wait for summer. Not that I don't like school anymore, but people will just be more free this summer. I think. Or maybe I'm assuming things again. Anyways, about summer, and being excited for it and all that jazz, I think I might actually be more excited about being excited about summer almost being here, than I am about the fact that summer is almost here... I probably confused you ten times more now. Because I'm pretty sure I confused myself, but I'm too confused to be able to know for sure... wait, WHAT?
Anyways, I am soooooooo ready to be DONE with math this year. UGH! We have this funky proficiency grading thing in high school and it really is NOT fun. I spend most of my time making up math tests and doing a plethora of unnecessary and frivolous extra work that doesn't really have any point other than to torture the students who have to do it.
But I am rather sad that I won't be able to drop in and visit my favorite teachers anymore. And I generally wonder what will happen to all the half-friendships that I managed to cultivate, but haven't had the time or the courage or the... whatever to actually develop. But who knows, it might not be all that bad having a three month break from school....

Memorial Day

Three day weekend. Thank the powers that be. I am so in need of a break from school right now. We had a fire drill today. It occurred to me that it was the last fire drill of freshman year. I felt ancient. Not to mention that all the teachers are pouring on assignments that are somewhere around 50 to 100 points a piece (no joke!) which created a wonderful opportunity if your a kid who never does anything in your classes to get your grade up before the year ends. Unfortunately, if you're a kid who always does their work, it happens to be highly stressful, as one assignment has the ability to destroy and entire year's worth of carefully cultivated and hard earned grades. UGH!!!!
I am going to the coast this weekend to mull things over. When I get back on Monday, I get to scrub the house top to bottom until it shines. (So much fun. NOT!) But until then, I may as well enjoy myself at the beach. (As long as it doesn't rain, the coast guard doesn't catch us shooting off crazy not-allowed-in-Oregon fireworks, and nothing too nail-bitingly dramatic occurs between my mother and I. However the likelihood that everything will go off without a hitch is basically negative infinity to ummmmmm..... infinity. The negative being that chances that it will be perfect and the positive infinity being the overwhelming statistic representing the possibility of a flaw in my plan.)

Ramblings

Sometimes, I like to think that maybe I'm not going crazy. I can curl up under the covers in my dark bedroom and pretend I'm the only person in existence. That nothing I do or say or think or feel has any effect on anyone else... but then I re-enter the real world, and think "oh, yeah. This is how normal people act..."
The sort of world in which there is a social right and a social wrong. And the two sides are very clear and crossing at any point or another is an obscene gesture that results in being ostracized and shunned for the rest of one's natural life. A world where having a brain is just about as great as being able to buy a bag of peanuts. Where nothing matters except the friends you have and how you look and whether or not you've "hooked up" with anyone. The kind of world that makes me wonder, "how much better would things be if the world really was going to the dogs..."

Sometimes, I sit outside and think about how things were... before this week, before last month... back at the beginning of the year... Back to a time when I had a best friend who openly admitted that I was theirs too, back when things were so simple... and yet so tangled... I suppose, the separating had to happen. And I suppose that I'm happy it happened sooner than later. But I still have to wonder... what would have happened if we'd had just a little longer... Just a moment more... more time, more space... More understanding... If I could have told you everything then, how different would things be now?

Ughs. Why? I have no idea.

There's a dance on friday. I was really happy to get to go, because I was sure my parents wouldn't let me. But they did. I almost wish they hadn't. It might have saved me a load of trouble, and self-doubt and possibly my relationship with my best friend.
Sometimes people need to listen to what other people say. Instead of hearing something and rearranging it so that it makes a good story, they should actually find out the truth of what was said. And then ask themselves if changing the story would even make sense to do.
Sometimes, I wonder if having friends is even worth the trouble. Then I go to school and see them all, nd say to myself, "yep. This is definitely worth it."

Grandparents came over this weekend from Hermiston.

It was really great. My grandparents sell musical instruments and it was so fun to have them over because I got to see all their instruments. Not to mention that I got a clarinet also. I've been considering starting a new instrument for quite some time now, but I never actually thought my Dad would be okay with it. He thinks it would be best if I stayed focused on guitar and piano. I did't know what instrument I would have liked to play, but since the clarinet popped up first, it ended up being the most convenient.
Last Wednesday, the Juniors had ACT testing, so school didn't start till twelve thirty. I was there at six thirty as usual, and spent the morning doing nearly nothing. At around eleven, I spotted a couple of my friends, and the three of us went off to Dutch Brothers and got smoothies. It was amazing. After that, we went back to school and sat around for about fifteen minutes, before we were joined by some other friends. Then, quite spontaneously, we all decided to go to Pisano's for lunch. This was fun, because there were more of us than would fit in the car, so we had to be very... crafty about seating arrangements.
It was the best day ever. I think life would be sooooooo much easier if every day began like that.

Weekends

Rest. Time off from school. I'm actually rather thankful that this weekend came when it did. I was really getting sick of school. Last week felt like it took forever. I can't really say why, but for some reason I feel like there's so much to cram into the 35 or so days left in this school year. I wish summer was here. But adversely, I want this year to drag out, and I dread the three months isolation from normal people.

To my benefit however, I do believe I have made some good friends with whom I can keep in touch over the summer. At least, that is my most fervent hope. But what about those people I'll want to see, but won't be able to? The people whom I'll end up separated from, who may forget about our friendship altogether... it's happened before, and being on the receiving end of it, I know for a fact that I never want it to happen again. I really think that if all goes well before the last day of school, I might be able to needle my way into a few people's summer schedules... I certainly hope so anyways.

People Change, friends fall apart...

Rae's Tips To Getting Over It:

• Get out of the house: The outdoors help to allow the mind to focus on ways to solve the problems at hand, also, they help to clear the mind and relax when one is feeling overwhelmed
• Do your own business ALONE: Relish this time to yourself. You may find that the silence and space is refreshing.
• Notice and acknowledge the ones who care: We all have people who turn on us... friends we loose... and in the midst of all this, we often don't take the time to recognize the people who stick around through the thick and the thin, whether we want them to or not. They are the ones who are always there for us. They are the ones who we need to appreciate. So, in the spare time that you now have in the absence of your lost friends, thank the ones you still have for hanging in there so faithfully.
• Have FUN: Rock the house down. Go out and party, or stay in and host one. It doesn't really matter. Just make sure that you know that you can have fun without that person or those people.
• Be happy: Sure, you may feel like your heart was torn in two and patched the wrong way. Been there, done that. But really, it won't be like that forever. Make amends as best you can, and then look to a brighter horizon. You can be yourself no matter what friends you have. Happiness is a great way to fight depression. (Why thank you, captain obvious!) But really! Really, really! Don't go around letting one or two people ruin your entire life. It's just not worth it.

Keep you chin up. Smile. Because there's always someone on your side, whether or not you know they are.

Wondering...

Sometimes, I wonder if I am trying too hard... but then, I suppose if I weren't trying, I wouldn't be able to go anywhere with my life. But at what point does one need to reassess where they stand in their relationships with the people around them and what they sacrifice to keep those relationships strong? I for one, know that in matters of both friends and family, I have a tendency to take my companions for granted. My ambition, possibly the most detrimental of all of my demerits, gets in the way of my sensitivity toward others, thus rendering me rather cold and allowing me to become manipulative and conniving. I wish this didn't happen, as I realize every time it does that it costs me... whether the price is the respect of my parents, or that of my friends and my peers, I seem to have made a habit out of focusing solely on an end goal, and ignoring everyone else in my way. Sometimes, friends try and help us to achieve our goals, and sometimes we take that help... but often times, we try and push it away, insiting to our own minds that we don't need it, and that if we take the offer of aide, we weaken ourselves... Perhaps this is not true for all people and I am making a hasty judgement, but I know that it is true for me, and if you happen to be one of the people reading this that I have ever hurt in my quest for something... more... than I apologize.

It's always a surprise...

I am consistantly shocked by how easy it is to just "chill". I suppose I've spent so much of my life wound up round the axle, that I didn't really give myself any time to have fun. Maybe that was the way it had to be. Maybe, because of the things that happened, I had to be an adult before I had the emotional maturity of one. And maybe now that all the crap of the past is in the. Past and I can actually convince myself to let it go, maybe now I can learn how go have fun and hang with people and just be a teenager once in a while. I think I'd like that for a change...

Serious Tourists

So, yesterday, as I was in the car coming home from Syllabus, we were driving down SW Century and there was this white SUV that was like, stopped at an angle on the side of the road so that it's back end was completely obscuring almost the entirety of the only lane that went in that direction. There were some deer going up the hill by the side of the road.
Dad an I looked at each other and laughed. Serious Tourists! I mean really, it'd like, you'd have to be to stop in the middle of the road and go "ooooo!!! Look! DEER!!! Apparently, in Sunriver where Dad works, people actully stop in the middle of the road and get out of there car and point and snap pictures and the whole 9 yards. You'd think they'd never heard of a deer before!!! All the locals just roll their eyes and think, "yeah. Deer. They were there yesterday and they'll be there tomorrow and they'll be there the day afte that! And guess what? They're all over the place!"
It was hilarious. It totally made my day.

Life: sunny side up!

I think there comes a time in everyones life when they get b----slapped by life. Most people just keep going and ignore it. But sometimes, it goes beyond a little slap. Once entering the realm of old-school violence, it's time to say to life, "look, I get to do whatever the heck I want with you. You can try as hard as you can to hold me back, but it ain't gonna happen ." I think it was a long time after most people figured this out that I cound out what it meant not to know this... Trusting someone is completely against k nature. But after I had done so, I began to think that maybe people aren't so bad afterall and that all this time I had been blinded by my own foolish mistakes and by how I chose to see the world.

Revelations

I'm glad I got to go to Portland for spring Break. The time spent out of town, away from the typical Bend, Oregon stress, was a breath of fresh air... funny, that my fresh air is probably some of the most polluted air in Oregon... anyways, while I was away, I was able to really think about things... About my friends and my family and school. And I re-evaluated where I was in my life and what I wanted for the time being.

I realized this: That in all my years, I have always looked down on hypocrisy, always scorned people who create a false image to show the world, always claimed and blatantly exclaimed my individualism to the world... how I was different. And how I was my own person and didn't care about what anyone else thought of me or about who anyone else thought I was as long as I was happy with myself.

This was a ridiculous thing to believe. In pronouncing to the world that I was a down-to-earth realist and an individualist not swayed by the caring or opinions of others, I didn't see that what I was doing was exactly what I most disliked. I was being hypocritical. I realized that the reason I disliked those things, was because whenever I saw them in another person, it was like looking in a mirror and noticing a big HUGE zit in the middle of my forehead.

So, I dug a little deeper... into the reason I was so unhappy all the time. And I saw that all of this was causing so much stress, not to mention that I had this thing going on where I felt like I always had to get involved in other people's problems... Like I had to save them or something... I would get myself totally worked up and really upset for them and most of the time, I was just blowing it out of proportion.

I discovered that I didn't have to feel sad and depressed because others around me were sad and depressed. What good is that to them or me? It's a load easier to just be happy than to be sad anyways. When you're happy, other people who are around you can be happy too. And even though it isn't easy, looking for the happiness in everything, the reason for everything, is the only way to get through all of the toughest things that life has in store.

I realized that I had never truly been myself. Although I had always talked about it, it was just talk. But now I know that to really be happy, I have to live my own life... deal with my own problems... pick and choose my relationships and friends and not stress out over other peoples issues. And the truth is, I'm a lot easier to be around this way.

I went to the dance last night as an experiment... to see if I could actually be myself and just let it all go. To throw myself out there and shine and see who came to join the party. And I learned that it's easy. That having fun and just forgetting all the crap that goes on in everyone else's lives really isn't all that hard. There's a time and a place for everything, but I now know that I have a choice in whether or not I want to get involved. And in any case, there's always tomorrow, and by then, the problem may have fixed itself!

Dance

The '80s dance last night was soooooo freaking cool!!!! There were these awesome laser lights and it was great to get to just go and hang with my friends... for the first time I was able to really loosen up and have fun. I'm definitely doing this more often, because that was totally one of-- if not THE BEST--experiences of Freshman year.

Dance Tonight

'80s dance tonight and I am TOTALLY going to it. It will be my first one. I am way excited. I think I might actually be able to just let it go and get out there and have fun tonight... finally.

Sickness

Sickness is stupid. I hate being sick... I can't go to school, which means I get a c--p load of homework when I get back and not to mention that on the days I miss, who knows what tests the teachers could end up deciding to give out, just because I'm not there!!! Ugh.
I've spent the last two days in bed. It's been agony.

Another update though on a different note: my voice is changing again. Yes, changing as in changing tone. Because of this, I can't talk very loud, for fear of sounding like a hybrid of a smurf, Alvin the Chipmunk, and a menagerie of dying farm animals. Great timing for this to happen, as choir festival is in a week from this Tuesday (as in two days ago).

Rae's Reading a New Book!!!!! (no surprises there!)

Hey everyone (who cares). I found a new book while I was in Portland! The title is Drood and its by Dan Simmons. Its really good! For a history geek like me, its the perfect book. But one has to be into the kinda sketchy murder-mystery type book too, because there's a lot of gruesome death and dying going on...
But anyways, if you get the opportunity, (and if you want to), you should really read it. Its possibly the best book I've read this year!

Spring Break is over!

GASP! School again on Monday! This time, it's for the home stretch... no more long vacations or four-day weekends to spend doing absolutely nothing.
The good news: only a few months until the Summer.
The bad news: only a few months until the Summer.
The reason this is both good and bad: everyone leaves during the summer. They go off on these long excursions to extreme places and have wild raving parties at each others' houses. Sounds like a load of fun, yes? I would think so too... but for the fact that I wouldn't know. I have never been to a party, never traveled to some funky place, never done all the crazy half illegal things my fellow high schoolers have. Not for lack of trying, oh no! For lack of being invited. I refuse to go barging into a party where I haven't been invited, which makes the amount of parties I go to a steady unwavering 0. I don't really have much control over vacations and traveling and all that jazz, so we never travel. And as for doing half-illegal things? Maybe... once upon a time... but that was a long time ago and I don't come across opportunities like that every day anymore. Not to mention that doing semi-illegal things like blowing up tree stumps in the garage is only fun when you have a partner in crime.

Quote of the Day

Don't sweat the small stuff. (It's not worth the extra work.)

In Portland:...

Today, I got up at 0500 hours so that I would have time to take a shower, go about my morning activities, eat breakfast, and catch the Central Oregon Breeze bus to Portland. It really is astonishing how tired riding a bus makes you... One would think that because basically all you're doing is just sitting there for three or four hours, you'd be wide-eyed and bushy-tailed afterward. Right? Apparently, this is not the case.

Spring Break!!!

Hmmm... Spring break.... One whole week of nothing... fun stuff.
Saturday, nothing.
Sunday, nothing.
Monday, nothing......
Actually, I suppose this isn't exactly true... Saturday, I was busy finishing up a crapload of homework for math. Sunday, I spent the entire day cleaning house for my mother's second "SPRING CLEANING" outfit, during which she recruits the entire family to do her bidding. (Clean the house top to bottom.)
Today, Monday, was basically nothingness... I did get some time to myself for the first time in forever, and spent that researching for my next novel. That was interesting, while hard work nonetheless.
Tomorrow, Tuesday, (obviously, if today is Monday) I get on a bus at 0700 hours and suffer a three hour ride to Portland. (This, while my parents take the dogs and drive to the coast... )
In Portland, lord only knows the trouble I'll probably get myself into... although on the sunny side, I do get to go to my favorite store in the UNIVERSE! (Portland Music Company!!! WOOT!)

Quote of the Day

Sometimes being a friend means mastering the art of timing. There is a time for silence. A time to let go and allow people to hurl themselves into their own destiny. And a time to pick up the pieces when it's all over.

~ Gloria Naylor

Spring Break

Friday. Most people weren't at school, or left early to go on vacation to some obscure corner of the Universe. One week of utter boredom coming right up. But I must say, I am rather happy that this comes when it does... as I've been living each week on a more or less day by day bases... aimlessly. I think a part of that is simply stress I've given myself, but I know for a fact that a great deal of it, if not the majority of it, comes from the situations of others around me. I carry stress easily, both my own, and that of other people. Which, I suppose, is to be expected of someone like me.....

Quote of the Day

The heart was made to be broken.

~ Oscar Wilde

Hello world! Rae is really bored. Riding the bus sucks!

Quote of the Day

True friends stab you in the front.

~ Oscar Wilde

Notification: quotes of day/ poems of week

Not posted on weekends. Check back on Monday morning or after school.

School tomorrow

Not sure whether or not this makes me happy... Last week was a week from hell. I really hope this week's different. Although, it doesn't do me any good to get my hopes up I suppose.

ARGH!!! SPRING CLEANING!!!

Who invented Spring Cleaning? Because whoever it was, the minute we invent a way to travel through time, I am going to find that person and make them rue the day they were born. GRR!!! FEAR ME Spring-Cleaning-Person!!!!

Quote of the Day

It is far easier to make an enemy, than to forgive a friend.

High School Dances?

Dance tonight... not sure whether or not I am going to go... I don't usually go to these social events... I don't really even know what to do at a dance anyways... Any advice in this area would be helpful.

Quote of the Day

The difference between a friend and a best friend, is that it hurts a lot more when a best friend betrays you. When a friend betrays you, though there may be more, it's like needles in the heart. A best friend, delivers a knife to the gut.

This week... ugh

I wish today was Friday. I don't know whether or not I can take another day of this. Every moment of every day this week and parts of last week and the week before and the week before and the week before have been really really just sickeningly crappy... sometimes I wonder if there's a point in continuing to drudge on though all this effed up drama.

Gods. I sound like some whiney sniveling little ungrateful puke. Sorry.

Quote of the Day

I never make the mistake of arguing with people for who's opinions I have no respect.

~Edward Gibbon

Dead

Done with the work of breathing, existing, caring. Done with the tedious affairs of everyday life, done floating around in sorrow and disappointment. Done. Finished. Over. Finally free...

Poems and Quotes maybe?

I really want to post a poem of the week and a quote of the day... but I don't know whether or not anyone would really read them... I would greatly appreciate some feedback on this idea...

Best Friend. More trouble than it's worth...

Being someone's best friend is always hard. Especially when said friend is a guy. Mainly because he's the kinda guy that girls can't seem to leave alone for two seconds. Since December, I think, he's had a girlfriend. Nice girl. Not sure what happened, and it really isn't my place to speculate. But ever since they got together, I've felt like I suddenly became unimportant. I can't figure out why people think that once they have a boyfriend or girlfriend, they can just forget about their friends.
It bothers me that before they got together, he said himself that I was his best friend. If he really thought that, than why was it that every time I would try to talk with him when he was upset or comfort him or just do what best friends do and be THERE for him, he would get mad at me? Why do people hurt the ones they care about more than the ones they don't?
Why Why Why?

The Reason for Cynicism

Behind every cynic, every pessimist, and every out-wordly unfriendly person... there is a broken heart that needs someone to heal it. I wish more people would realize this. All anyone sees is someone who's really pissed at the world, but do they ever stop to wonder why? Doesn't it ever occur to anyone that all that negativity is a guard, a defense against pain that no one wants to feel? Maybe they need to be broken by someone they've loved with all their heart before they can see past the wall and into the real person.

Emotions SUCK!

Emotions suck. They are completely pointless. They do absolutely nothing and only cause a crap-load of grief that is really not necessary. Not to mention that emotions make people do stupid things. And forget things. Emotions make us want things and hate things and love things and fear things, and whatever else we people do. But emotions as we know them are just labels. Words we humans put on categories of ... (anything) that we don't know the name of. But really, who can say what an emotion really is? What defines happy or sad or incredulous? What defines a broken heart? What defines the difference between "like" and "love"? Is one more real than the other? If anyone had any answers, I'd love it if they'd tell me.

Just an FYI

If you're bothering to read this, which I am going to assume only applies to maybe me and one or two other people who may or may not have way too much time on their hands, READ THE WHOLE THING!!!!! not just the first one or two entries that pop up... because if you only read the first one or two, you won't get it. so, again, read the WHOLE THING> START TO FINNISH!!!!

Wow. Long day today. I'm in a bit of a frustrated fix. My friend, who is now my ex-best friend, has decided that I am not worthy of having a conversation with. I have no idea why. This has been an ongoing development since about December... I really dislike it when friends decide they don't want anything to do with me, but when a best friend does something like that... I don't even know what to say. Especially because I only ever have one best friend at a time. So when that particular person decides I'm not good enough for them, or not normal enough for them, or not cool enough or nice enough or--really anything enough for them, that hurts. More so I think than it would if I had more than one best friend.
But I suppose that's the price one pays for loyalty. It always appears to be that when I try to help someone, they spit in my face. Does anyone else ever feel like this?

Concert Tomorrow

No one ever tells me these things.
Grr.
It is very frustrating to be left in the dark all the time. How do people expect me to have a social life when they don't give me any information about how to have one?

When people ask me to blog about them...

I usually won't. (Just to discourage any future hopes.)
But Brit wanted me to blog about her and she must have approached me at a time when I was feeling amiable so here I am doing it.

it seemed like a good idea at the time...

Talking to you...
Smiling at you...
Walking home with you...
Being there when you needed me...
Being your best friend...
Inviting you to the writing club...
Telling you my life story...
My deepest darkest secrets...
Trusting you...
Sharing my dreams with you...

It all seemed like such a good idea at the time...

New Schedules For Next Year

In a word, crap.
Apparently the schedule change was supposed to save money, but as it is, we're so low on textbooks, they had to order more (which cost money) and next year their trying to have everyone in class at the same time? All year? Technically, if you do the math, that's twice as many textbooks as we have now.

Writing Club at School

Tomorrow, Tuesday. There is a writing club meeting at lunch. But I can't seem to find anybody who's going to it... grrrrrrr....

One More Thing...

Breaking up. Yeah, it sucks. GET OVER IT.
To those of you who will in the future end up having broken up with someone or had someone break up with you:

1. It happens to everyone. (Don't go and start thinking this is some special punishment reserved only for you.)
2. Nobody really cares, so don't complain about it. If you want to gripe, keep a diary or a blog or something.
   
3. Your friends are trying to HELP you. Talk to them. They will get you through. (Unlike your boyfriend/girlfriend, a true friend SHOULD be there when the relationship begins, and, if you haven't been completely awful to them, they will be there long after the relationship ends.)
4. If your friends ask you how you are, there is a reason. They can tell that something is wrong and are genuinely concerned for you. DO NOT, for ANY REASON, tell them that you don't want to talk to them, that nothing is wrong, that it isn't any of their business, that they don't understand, et cetera... They will eventually stop caring if you do.
5. DO NOT tell a friend who is trying to help by being there for you that they don't understand. This is obvious. It would be pointless for them to console you if they did understand. The whole point is that they are trying to understand and if you would actually explain what you are feeling instead of just telling them that they don't understand.
6. Get some yummy chocolate. Get a warm blanket. Get a good book. GET OVER IT.
7. Count yourself lucky that you ever managed to have a boyfriend/girlfriend. Some people, like myself, will never get that lucky. They (people like myself) will simply go their entire lives suffering the never-ending cycle of unrequited love until they die. Compare this one time that you have to GET OVER IT to the thousands and billions of times we unloved ones have to learn how to GET OVER IT. GETTING OVER IT is practically all wee know how to do.

I certainly know for a fact that getting over it is all I know how to do.

Another Problem With Relationships

One other thing that really miffs me (sorry Kate: ticks me off, vexes me, irritates me, makes me angry, et cetera...) about people who are "involved" is that they never want to talk to anybody about their relationship. Which, if the relationship is healthy, is frustrating at best, because obviously, friends care about what you and your awesome boyfriend/girlfriend do when you hang out...
But really, it is most definitely not okay for a friend who is in a relationship (especially an unhealthy relationship) to keep it to themselves. This may seem rather like I'm suggesting that people in relationships should have no privacy, but really, privacy can only go so far.
The big WARNING sign is usually when said person in a relationship refuses to talk about it with anyone and ends up getting mad whenever it's mentioned. This situation causes a great deal of worry for the friends of said person, especially when said person is unhappy in his or her relationship.

Sunday Morning is supposed to be sunny

Sundays. SUN days. Should be sunny and warm. Not cold and grey as they have been recently... but oh well... to day it is sunny... I don't know if it's warm because I haven't gone outside yet.

PDA and other problems with people who are in relationships...

Rae's List (which will most likely grow very rapidly) of all the things she; dislikes, detests, hates, abhors, feels insulted by, revolted by, repulsed by, and in general is extremely unhappy with-- in regards to people in relationships and the relationships themselves. (If you are in a relationship currently, I would advise you not to read this until after the love of your life has broken up with you and shattered you dreams. It might be a rather unpleasant wake-up call if you do.)

1. Public Displays of Affection
2. People in relationships have the tendency to either abandon or entirely forget their friends
3. Relationships are stressful for the friends of the people involved
4. The people involved always seem surprised when the relationship ends (even when everyone on the outside has been saying "I told you so" all along and the people involved have chosen again and again to ignore the warning)
5. Listening to people talk about their boyfriend/girlfriend when you don't have one is a really tedious, really simple, still entirely painful version of some new age torture
6. It really miffs me when people think that just because they're happily in a relationship, they don't have to help their friends out
7. Unrequited love is all too common
8. Romeo and Juliet Syndrome
9. et cetera to be added to later when I've thought up something else to complain about
   

Friday. At LAST!!!!!!

Forecasting today... (that's planning for next year...) It frustrates me that people like to take classes that have no job opportunities attached to them... but I suppose there's not much I can do about that. Anyways, we got our grade transcripts back, and much to my utter displeasure I discovered that since my Modern World History course wasn't a weighted class, I don't get an A+ for my one-hundred-and-fourteen-point-seven... This miffs me. Immensely.

Basketball Game

Wow. Game yesterday... it was... a nice experience but not something I'll do very often. There were loads of people, which made me freak out, because I really don't like crowds. Alas...

It was a really long day yesterday... five am to ten pm... school, walking home, walking back to school, (after chatting and munching) two consecutive basketball games... et cetera.

ugh

Today was Wednesday. Obviously. I rode the Stinky Stupid bus this morning. It made me wish like none other that I had a car. (And that I could drive, because obviously if you can't drive than having a car is rather pointless... but vise versa is also true; if you can drive but don't have a car, why bother being able to drive?) Anyways, I wished I could drive. But I won't be able to drive alone legally until I'm out of High School... (you really have no idea how incredibly frustrating that is.)

Riding the bus today. Grr. Bus= smelly, stinky, loud, gross, chewing gum under seats, on seats, bad music, scary kids... I could continue... But I won't.

Tuesday

I was in Health today, when it suddenly occurred to me how incredibly tired I was. I thought, wow, it's been a long week! Then I realized it was only Tuesday...

Some people see life as a glass half full, some people see it as a glass half empty... In my opinion, the glass is too big.

Hmm... Tuesday... Boring. Not much new... Not much old... More of the same in different ways I suppose... Typical Bend, Oregon for you...

Walking After School

Taylor and I walked to the library fro school today... We talked about deep stuff. Even though I can't really remember a word of it, I remember it was pretty intense conversation material. This has become a rather routine habit of ours; walking home after school and grabbing "lunch" on the way. It's really the only true social contact I have outside of school. I never seem to be able to get together with someone for a reason other than homework or walking the dog... What do normal people do with their friends?

Does it ever annoy you that you're only allowed to put, like, 100 somthing characters in text messages? It really vexes me.

Yay! It's Monday!! WOOT!!! Back to school for the first five-day week this semester! (Actually, that isn't true. Technically they've all had seven days...)

Grrr!!! I hate it when parents confiscate technological devices! It's terribly frustrating! I may have to post from school for the next several days as my computer and my cellular telephone have been temporarily extricated from my ever-clingy grasp.
(Whether or not the school computers will allow me to do this will be discovered shortly as I return to my favorite place on earth {school} tomorrow.)

Wow! That's cool! I can update my blog from my phone! Righteousness!!!

Saturdays

UGH! Saturdays are the worst. (Well, maybe besides Fridays that is...) Saturdays mean that I won't be back at school for another to days. Which, in turn, means two days of complete and utter boredom unless I practically BEG my teachers for extra homework which they may or may not give... The result of this is massive overachieving on the homework that I don't essentially assign myself. Then when I bring the finished product to school, I am promptly degraded and scolded by my fellow students for being an "overachiever" and needing to "get a life."
Don't they know that if I didn't have a life, I wouldn't be able to overachieve in the first place? How can something that isn't alive overachieve?

WTF World?

What the heck am I supposed to do with this? Now that I've started it, I have no idea where to go with it. Like most seemingly good ideas, it seemed like a good idea at the time. But in retrospect, I probably should have thought about what I was going to say before agreeing to do this stupid thing... Oh well... maybe I'll have more ideas tomorrow. By the way, it really sucks when you know there's a basketball game at school that everyone's going to and that everyone will be having so much fun there, but you can't go because no one bothered to ask if you wanted to come with them. And you can't go alone because apparently that's soooooo UNCOOL... or whatever... Sorry. That just really miffs me...