Ramblings

Sometimes, I like to think that maybe I'm not going crazy. I can curl up under the covers in my dark bedroom and pretend I'm the only person in existence. That nothing I do or say or think or feel has any effect on anyone else... but then I re-enter the real world, and think "oh, yeah. This is how normal people act..."
The sort of world in which there is a social right and a social wrong. And the two sides are very clear and crossing at any point or another is an obscene gesture that results in being ostracized and shunned for the rest of one's natural life. A world where having a brain is just about as great as being able to buy a bag of peanuts. Where nothing matters except the friends you have and how you look and whether or not you've "hooked up" with anyone. The kind of world that makes me wonder, "how much better would things be if the world really was going to the dogs..."

Sometimes, I sit outside and think about how things were... before this week, before last month... back at the beginning of the year... Back to a time when I had a best friend who openly admitted that I was theirs too, back when things were so simple... and yet so tangled... I suppose, the separating had to happen. And I suppose that I'm happy it happened sooner than later. But I still have to wonder... what would have happened if we'd had just a little longer... Just a moment more... more time, more space... More understanding... If I could have told you everything then, how different would things be now?