Good grief

Life is wonderful. (Which should be sarcasm but really isn't.) Oddly enough, I actually do mean that. This past week was quite the adventure believe it or not. I got to hang with my best ever friend whom I haven't had a chance to talk to in ages, and I got to go to a football game. Couldn't stay for the whole thing though, because the Storm (our mascot) actually showed up and drove a lot of us inside.
I must say, for all the crap that Summit Football players get from their fellow students, they try. And imagine how discouraging it must be to never win a game and then have everyone from your own side laugh at you also. I think we should support them and acknowledge their efforts. (It's like bringing home a report card with all A's and an A- and having your parents blow a torch over the A-, instead of congratulating you on all your hard work and success.)
Kate is now sixteen, and we had an amazing birthday party at her place. It was really fun and there were a lot of cool people there. The cake and pizza were really yummy too, and I don't normally like pizza, so it was a good thing that I liked this kind. :^)

Single Celled Organism

I wish I was an amoeba.

Friends

I don't think that anyone really knows how much their friends come to mean to them until they are faced with the truth of a situation. Sometimes, I wonder how much of this time I spend devoting to my friends is time they will ever give back. Like... pouring money into a well... you never see it again. I'm constantly being reminded why my only goal in the world used to be achieving the highest marks in my class. But the world itself always complicates things. Is it really necessary to have friends? I think not. However nice it may be, the truth of it is, all friends will disappoint you in the end.

Extra-confused.

He's in my English this year. Again. God, I sound like some love-sick thirteen year old. I hate this. I hate hearing him talk, I hate hearing him laugh, I hate knowing that I have to see him every other day. I hate that he remembered that I love to collect pens, but at the same time, it made me smile. How can something you hate so much, make you glow on the inside?

I wish I understood more about him. We never speak, except the occasional word if absolutely necessary. I don't really know him at all, only that everything about him makes me shiver in delight. I sat there in English today willing him to shut up, to stop laughing, to stop smiling, to stop being so effing beautiful. As though it does any good to hate someone for being everything you ever dreamed of.

Not that I would know. I've only ever worried about school and music, no time for even my friends before this... but now... I don't know.

Confused.

Why did he do it? How am I supposed to know? But seriously, I don't think I did anything to offend him... Gads. Sometimes I think I might die in this hostile place.
 Once, my English teacher told me that High School is the Cerberus. A best with three heads. One, he said, is viscous and will bite you every time you try and tame it. One is fickle and tricky, and likes to fool you into being it's friend before it rips you to shreds, and one is true and kind. He said that this one is the one that most people always work for, but that is hardly ever found...I didn't understand him then... but now...

Why is it that people stay in our minds? People float in and out, granted, as normal interaction progresses. These people slip so easily from our memory, that we nearly always for get names and faces a day after meeting them. But the people who are something more than a fleeting word or two, the people whom we have loved and have either loved us in return, or... not... these people stay with us forever.
They haunt our thoughts and dreams, turning to misery what would have been happiness of slumber. For one who has no dreams, they haunt our waking moments, our every step, every voice around the unimposing corner... we remember our love for them. We remember the pain that they have caused us. Or the joy, or the sadness... the tears, and the laughter, and the simple moments of a thought shared between two entities of a single heart...
But in whatever way we choose, or don't choose... We still remember them. And sometimes, the memories cause us more pain than a person themselves ever could.

Friday Night (Deep City Lights)

Again, as I have no life, I have designed artwork for another of Kaitlin, Kate and my albums. This one's called Friday Night.

Kate, Kaitlin and Rae's Music Collection

So, here I am, with no life. I came across the fact that the CD's I received for my birthday from Kate and Kaitlin have no names. Nor do they have artwork, which really bugs me for some reason. So I decided to make some. It was quite the endeavor. Took me ages to get it right. But finally, I decided on a title for the first album and I created an artwork for it as well.

PS: Kate, the font is the same as the Harry Potter font. Thought you might like that.

Finally Fourteen!

Woot! Yes, I am now fourteen at LAST!! My birthday, the first of September this year, was spent at school with Kaitlin and Jake Daley. The night before, Kaitlin and Kate and I spent the night hunting dinosaurs, playing guitar, and pigging out at my place.
I finally got to go back to school! I was ecstatic! I got to see my favorite people in the UNIVERSE!!!!! As in Taylor, his friends, and my old English teacher. It was the BEST ever!!!
Yeah, I know... I have to be pretty weird to think spending my birthday at school is the best, but hey! It's me isn't it?

The one thing I didn't like, was having to see him again. Gads, I thought I might go do something stupid like, smack him across the face in front of everyone. It was horrible. I often forget that the mind and the heart are two separate entities, and although one may have moved on, the other still clings like a leaf in an autumn wind to the last vestiges of what could have been; the callous twig of a hopeless dream.

Stupid, to think you're ever really over someone when everything about a place reminds you of them. A place you have to go every day. A place where around every corner you here their voice and see their smile and feel their laughter warming you to your toes. Stupid to think the human heart ever truly forgets it's first love.

It is nice, though, to have someone to talk to about this. Not even someone my age, as odd as that is. But someone I can talk to without even saying a word, that just by being in the same room, he can look at me and console me on all my dramatic teenaged angst. All this, empathy and emotion that I have, but don't have really... This perpetual commotion, a chaos of turmoil from years of thought, but no action to see those thoughts to life.

Love, it begins as a thought. I suppose whether or not love sees its light depends on time, place, and whether or not one or the other of the people involved is a disgusting little freak.