Rae's Reading a New Book!!!!! (no surprises there!)

Hey everyone (who cares). I found a new book while I was in Portland! The title is Drood and its by Dan Simmons. Its really good! For a history geek like me, its the perfect book. But one has to be into the kinda sketchy murder-mystery type book too, because there's a lot of gruesome death and dying going on...
But anyways, if you get the opportunity, (and if you want to), you should really read it. Its possibly the best book I've read this year!

Spring Break is over!

GASP! School again on Monday! This time, it's for the home stretch... no more long vacations or four-day weekends to spend doing absolutely nothing.
The good news: only a few months until the Summer.
The bad news: only a few months until the Summer.
The reason this is both good and bad: everyone leaves during the summer. They go off on these long excursions to extreme places and have wild raving parties at each others' houses. Sounds like a load of fun, yes? I would think so too... but for the fact that I wouldn't know. I have never been to a party, never traveled to some funky place, never done all the crazy half illegal things my fellow high schoolers have. Not for lack of trying, oh no! For lack of being invited. I refuse to go barging into a party where I haven't been invited, which makes the amount of parties I go to a steady unwavering 0. I don't really have much control over vacations and traveling and all that jazz, so we never travel. And as for doing half-illegal things? Maybe... once upon a time... but that was a long time ago and I don't come across opportunities like that every day anymore. Not to mention that doing semi-illegal things like blowing up tree stumps in the garage is only fun when you have a partner in crime.

Quote of the Day

Don't sweat the small stuff. (It's not worth the extra work.)

In Portland:...

Today, I got up at 0500 hours so that I would have time to take a shower, go about my morning activities, eat breakfast, and catch the Central Oregon Breeze bus to Portland. It really is astonishing how tired riding a bus makes you... One would think that because basically all you're doing is just sitting there for three or four hours, you'd be wide-eyed and bushy-tailed afterward. Right? Apparently, this is not the case.

Spring Break!!!

Hmmm... Spring break.... One whole week of nothing... fun stuff.
Saturday, nothing.
Sunday, nothing.
Monday, nothing......
Actually, I suppose this isn't exactly true... Saturday, I was busy finishing up a crapload of homework for math. Sunday, I spent the entire day cleaning house for my mother's second "SPRING CLEANING" outfit, during which she recruits the entire family to do her bidding. (Clean the house top to bottom.)
Today, Monday, was basically nothingness... I did get some time to myself for the first time in forever, and spent that researching for my next novel. That was interesting, while hard work nonetheless.
Tomorrow, Tuesday, (obviously, if today is Monday) I get on a bus at 0700 hours and suffer a three hour ride to Portland. (This, while my parents take the dogs and drive to the coast... )
In Portland, lord only knows the trouble I'll probably get myself into... although on the sunny side, I do get to go to my favorite store in the UNIVERSE! (Portland Music Company!!! WOOT!)

Quote of the Day

Sometimes being a friend means mastering the art of timing. There is a time for silence. A time to let go and allow people to hurl themselves into their own destiny. And a time to pick up the pieces when it's all over.

~ Gloria Naylor

Spring Break

Friday. Most people weren't at school, or left early to go on vacation to some obscure corner of the Universe. One week of utter boredom coming right up. But I must say, I am rather happy that this comes when it does... as I've been living each week on a more or less day by day bases... aimlessly. I think a part of that is simply stress I've given myself, but I know for a fact that a great deal of it, if not the majority of it, comes from the situations of others around me. I carry stress easily, both my own, and that of other people. Which, I suppose, is to be expected of someone like me.....

Quote of the Day

The heart was made to be broken.

~ Oscar Wilde

Hello world! Rae is really bored. Riding the bus sucks!

Quote of the Day

True friends stab you in the front.

~ Oscar Wilde

Notification: quotes of day/ poems of week

Not posted on weekends. Check back on Monday morning or after school.

School tomorrow

Not sure whether or not this makes me happy... Last week was a week from hell. I really hope this week's different. Although, it doesn't do me any good to get my hopes up I suppose.

ARGH!!! SPRING CLEANING!!!

Who invented Spring Cleaning? Because whoever it was, the minute we invent a way to travel through time, I am going to find that person and make them rue the day they were born. GRR!!! FEAR ME Spring-Cleaning-Person!!!!

Quote of the Day

It is far easier to make an enemy, than to forgive a friend.

High School Dances?

Dance tonight... not sure whether or not I am going to go... I don't usually go to these social events... I don't really even know what to do at a dance anyways... Any advice in this area would be helpful.

Quote of the Day

The difference between a friend and a best friend, is that it hurts a lot more when a best friend betrays you. When a friend betrays you, though there may be more, it's like needles in the heart. A best friend, delivers a knife to the gut.

This week... ugh

I wish today was Friday. I don't know whether or not I can take another day of this. Every moment of every day this week and parts of last week and the week before and the week before and the week before have been really really just sickeningly crappy... sometimes I wonder if there's a point in continuing to drudge on though all this effed up drama.

Gods. I sound like some whiney sniveling little ungrateful puke. Sorry.

Quote of the Day

I never make the mistake of arguing with people for who's opinions I have no respect.

~Edward Gibbon

Dead

Done with the work of breathing, existing, caring. Done with the tedious affairs of everyday life, done floating around in sorrow and disappointment. Done. Finished. Over. Finally free...

Poems and Quotes maybe?

I really want to post a poem of the week and a quote of the day... but I don't know whether or not anyone would really read them... I would greatly appreciate some feedback on this idea...

Best Friend. More trouble than it's worth...

Being someone's best friend is always hard. Especially when said friend is a guy. Mainly because he's the kinda guy that girls can't seem to leave alone for two seconds. Since December, I think, he's had a girlfriend. Nice girl. Not sure what happened, and it really isn't my place to speculate. But ever since they got together, I've felt like I suddenly became unimportant. I can't figure out why people think that once they have a boyfriend or girlfriend, they can just forget about their friends.
It bothers me that before they got together, he said himself that I was his best friend. If he really thought that, than why was it that every time I would try to talk with him when he was upset or comfort him or just do what best friends do and be THERE for him, he would get mad at me? Why do people hurt the ones they care about more than the ones they don't?
Why Why Why?

The Reason for Cynicism

Behind every cynic, every pessimist, and every out-wordly unfriendly person... there is a broken heart that needs someone to heal it. I wish more people would realize this. All anyone sees is someone who's really pissed at the world, but do they ever stop to wonder why? Doesn't it ever occur to anyone that all that negativity is a guard, a defense against pain that no one wants to feel? Maybe they need to be broken by someone they've loved with all their heart before they can see past the wall and into the real person.

Emotions SUCK!

Emotions suck. They are completely pointless. They do absolutely nothing and only cause a crap-load of grief that is really not necessary. Not to mention that emotions make people do stupid things. And forget things. Emotions make us want things and hate things and love things and fear things, and whatever else we people do. But emotions as we know them are just labels. Words we humans put on categories of ... (anything) that we don't know the name of. But really, who can say what an emotion really is? What defines happy or sad or incredulous? What defines a broken heart? What defines the difference between "like" and "love"? Is one more real than the other? If anyone had any answers, I'd love it if they'd tell me.

Just an FYI

If you're bothering to read this, which I am going to assume only applies to maybe me and one or two other people who may or may not have way too much time on their hands, READ THE WHOLE THING!!!!! not just the first one or two entries that pop up... because if you only read the first one or two, you won't get it. so, again, read the WHOLE THING> START TO FINNISH!!!!

Wow. Long day today. I'm in a bit of a frustrated fix. My friend, who is now my ex-best friend, has decided that I am not worthy of having a conversation with. I have no idea why. This has been an ongoing development since about December... I really dislike it when friends decide they don't want anything to do with me, but when a best friend does something like that... I don't even know what to say. Especially because I only ever have one best friend at a time. So when that particular person decides I'm not good enough for them, or not normal enough for them, or not cool enough or nice enough or--really anything enough for them, that hurts. More so I think than it would if I had more than one best friend.
But I suppose that's the price one pays for loyalty. It always appears to be that when I try to help someone, they spit in my face. Does anyone else ever feel like this?

Concert Tomorrow

No one ever tells me these things.
Grr.
It is very frustrating to be left in the dark all the time. How do people expect me to have a social life when they don't give me any information about how to have one?

When people ask me to blog about them...

I usually won't. (Just to discourage any future hopes.)
But Brit wanted me to blog about her and she must have approached me at a time when I was feeling amiable so here I am doing it.

it seemed like a good idea at the time...

Talking to you...
Smiling at you...
Walking home with you...
Being there when you needed me...
Being your best friend...
Inviting you to the writing club...
Telling you my life story...
My deepest darkest secrets...
Trusting you...
Sharing my dreams with you...

It all seemed like such a good idea at the time...

New Schedules For Next Year

In a word, crap.
Apparently the schedule change was supposed to save money, but as it is, we're so low on textbooks, they had to order more (which cost money) and next year their trying to have everyone in class at the same time? All year? Technically, if you do the math, that's twice as many textbooks as we have now.

Writing Club at School

Tomorrow, Tuesday. There is a writing club meeting at lunch. But I can't seem to find anybody who's going to it... grrrrrrr....

One More Thing...

Breaking up. Yeah, it sucks. GET OVER IT.
To those of you who will in the future end up having broken up with someone or had someone break up with you:

1. It happens to everyone. (Don't go and start thinking this is some special punishment reserved only for you.)
2. Nobody really cares, so don't complain about it. If you want to gripe, keep a diary or a blog or something.
   
3. Your friends are trying to HELP you. Talk to them. They will get you through. (Unlike your boyfriend/girlfriend, a true friend SHOULD be there when the relationship begins, and, if you haven't been completely awful to them, they will be there long after the relationship ends.)
4. If your friends ask you how you are, there is a reason. They can tell that something is wrong and are genuinely concerned for you. DO NOT, for ANY REASON, tell them that you don't want to talk to them, that nothing is wrong, that it isn't any of their business, that they don't understand, et cetera... They will eventually stop caring if you do.
5. DO NOT tell a friend who is trying to help by being there for you that they don't understand. This is obvious. It would be pointless for them to console you if they did understand. The whole point is that they are trying to understand and if you would actually explain what you are feeling instead of just telling them that they don't understand.
6. Get some yummy chocolate. Get a warm blanket. Get a good book. GET OVER IT.
7. Count yourself lucky that you ever managed to have a boyfriend/girlfriend. Some people, like myself, will never get that lucky. They (people like myself) will simply go their entire lives suffering the never-ending cycle of unrequited love until they die. Compare this one time that you have to GET OVER IT to the thousands and billions of times we unloved ones have to learn how to GET OVER IT. GETTING OVER IT is practically all wee know how to do.

I certainly know for a fact that getting over it is all I know how to do.

Another Problem With Relationships

One other thing that really miffs me (sorry Kate: ticks me off, vexes me, irritates me, makes me angry, et cetera...) about people who are "involved" is that they never want to talk to anybody about their relationship. Which, if the relationship is healthy, is frustrating at best, because obviously, friends care about what you and your awesome boyfriend/girlfriend do when you hang out...
But really, it is most definitely not okay for a friend who is in a relationship (especially an unhealthy relationship) to keep it to themselves. This may seem rather like I'm suggesting that people in relationships should have no privacy, but really, privacy can only go so far.
The big WARNING sign is usually when said person in a relationship refuses to talk about it with anyone and ends up getting mad whenever it's mentioned. This situation causes a great deal of worry for the friends of said person, especially when said person is unhappy in his or her relationship.