Memorial Day

Three day weekend. Thank the powers that be. I am so in need of a break from school right now. We had a fire drill today. It occurred to me that it was the last fire drill of freshman year. I felt ancient. Not to mention that all the teachers are pouring on assignments that are somewhere around 50 to 100 points a piece (no joke!) which created a wonderful opportunity if your a kid who never does anything in your classes to get your grade up before the year ends. Unfortunately, if you're a kid who always does their work, it happens to be highly stressful, as one assignment has the ability to destroy and entire year's worth of carefully cultivated and hard earned grades. UGH!!!!
I am going to the coast this weekend to mull things over. When I get back on Monday, I get to scrub the house top to bottom until it shines. (So much fun. NOT!) But until then, I may as well enjoy myself at the beach. (As long as it doesn't rain, the coast guard doesn't catch us shooting off crazy not-allowed-in-Oregon fireworks, and nothing too nail-bitingly dramatic occurs between my mother and I. However the likelihood that everything will go off without a hitch is basically negative infinity to ummmmmm..... infinity. The negative being that chances that it will be perfect and the positive infinity being the overwhelming statistic representing the possibility of a flaw in my plan.)

Ramblings

Sometimes, I like to think that maybe I'm not going crazy. I can curl up under the covers in my dark bedroom and pretend I'm the only person in existence. That nothing I do or say or think or feel has any effect on anyone else... but then I re-enter the real world, and think "oh, yeah. This is how normal people act..."
The sort of world in which there is a social right and a social wrong. And the two sides are very clear and crossing at any point or another is an obscene gesture that results in being ostracized and shunned for the rest of one's natural life. A world where having a brain is just about as great as being able to buy a bag of peanuts. Where nothing matters except the friends you have and how you look and whether or not you've "hooked up" with anyone. The kind of world that makes me wonder, "how much better would things be if the world really was going to the dogs..."

Sometimes, I sit outside and think about how things were... before this week, before last month... back at the beginning of the year... Back to a time when I had a best friend who openly admitted that I was theirs too, back when things were so simple... and yet so tangled... I suppose, the separating had to happen. And I suppose that I'm happy it happened sooner than later. But I still have to wonder... what would have happened if we'd had just a little longer... Just a moment more... more time, more space... More understanding... If I could have told you everything then, how different would things be now?

Ughs. Why? I have no idea.

There's a dance on friday. I was really happy to get to go, because I was sure my parents wouldn't let me. But they did. I almost wish they hadn't. It might have saved me a load of trouble, and self-doubt and possibly my relationship with my best friend.
Sometimes people need to listen to what other people say. Instead of hearing something and rearranging it so that it makes a good story, they should actually find out the truth of what was said. And then ask themselves if changing the story would even make sense to do.
Sometimes, I wonder if having friends is even worth the trouble. Then I go to school and see them all, nd say to myself, "yep. This is definitely worth it."

Grandparents came over this weekend from Hermiston.

It was really great. My grandparents sell musical instruments and it was so fun to have them over because I got to see all their instruments. Not to mention that I got a clarinet also. I've been considering starting a new instrument for quite some time now, but I never actually thought my Dad would be okay with it. He thinks it would be best if I stayed focused on guitar and piano. I did't know what instrument I would have liked to play, but since the clarinet popped up first, it ended up being the most convenient.
Last Wednesday, the Juniors had ACT testing, so school didn't start till twelve thirty. I was there at six thirty as usual, and spent the morning doing nearly nothing. At around eleven, I spotted a couple of my friends, and the three of us went off to Dutch Brothers and got smoothies. It was amazing. After that, we went back to school and sat around for about fifteen minutes, before we were joined by some other friends. Then, quite spontaneously, we all decided to go to Pisano's for lunch. This was fun, because there were more of us than would fit in the car, so we had to be very... crafty about seating arrangements.
It was the best day ever. I think life would be sooooooo much easier if every day began like that.